Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Lost love is supposed to get easier as time goes by... or at least that's what everyone says. For Minako, however, time drags and each hour is longer. Every year she goes to Tokyo Tower to remember the lover that she has lost to time.


Petra: This story took me about 38 minutes to complete and it's two pages long! ^_^ I'm so proud!   
Kati: Anyways, it's really sad.   
Petra: You haven't see that in a while, mostly becuase you haven't see ANYTHING in a while! *giggle* I know, I know, I'm awful!   
Kati: Ah well. Anways, read and review.  
  
DEDICATED: To Ami-chan, Rei-chan, Mako-chan, and Mina-chan. You've loved and lost. I'm sure, if she could, Usagi-chan would set you free of your duties for your love, but it's not just Usagi-chan holding you back.  
WARNING: Angst. If you haven't read the manga, you'll be confused.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon! How many times do I have to tell you?! I may write as if I do but I don't! ^_- All joking aside, this beautiful song "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" belongs to the lovely and talented Shania Twain-sama. --- sounds weird, ne? Say it outload a couple times. *giggles*  
  
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Only Hurts When I'm Breathing  
  
"There was just too much in his life to mourn. If he started now, he'd never be able to stop." -Nixers; Ghost Story (GW)  
  
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/(|)/ Hope life's been good to you \ since you've been gone \ I'm doing' fine now - I've finally moved on \ It's not so bad - I'm not that sad /(|)/  
  
Do you believe me when I tell you how hard it was to kill you for a second time? Why do you think I did it so fast, despite Serenity-hime's order not to? I didn't recognize you at first, did you know that? Did you recognize me? I'd like to think so but, at the same time, that would mean that you knew exactly what you were doing. I think, at least at first, neither of us recognized the other. Then, when we got into space, and I saw the Earth's blue light reflecting off your silver-white hair, I finally recognized you. I got so scared. For a minute, I like to think, as your body turned to dust, I think you recognized me. Kunzite… did you ever realize how much I loved you? Still do love you?  
  
/(|)/ I'm not surprised just how well I survived \ I'm over the worse, and I feel so alive \ I can't complain - I'm free again /(|)/  
  
I'd like to pretend that I'm doing okay, that I have a boyfriend whom I love and who I makes me forget about you but I can't. I'm still waiting for you. You promised that you would come back to me, no matter what, and I still believe that. Yeah, I've had quite a couple boyfriends, maybe even crushes, but it's only so that my Senshi don't get suspicious or to help me forget about you. I'm not surprised that I'm still alive without you, despite the fact that sometimes I feel like I should just give up. Maybe it's the hope that one day you *will* come back to me. Maybe it's that I know I can't leave you… maybe it's just stupidity. It's so easy to pretend around my friends, so easy that even I start to believe I'm okay. When I get home, though, and there's nothing to do but stare at the ceiling, I can't help but remember everything about you. Like those usually cold silver-grey eyes that used to get so warm and liquid when they look at me.  
  
/(|)/ And it only hurts when I'm breathing \ My heart only breaks when it's beating \ My dreams only die when I'm dreaming \ So, I hold my breath - to forget /(|)/  
  
I sometimes wonder if Serenity-hime remembers about me and you, about the other Senshi and your friends. She hasn't ever talked to me about it, so I guess not… but sometimes I catch her watching me with this look in her eyes that's undescribable, almost as though she's crying without tears. … I hate to say this, but I'm glad my Senshi don't remember. I don't know what the memories would do to them. It hurts me so much to think about, almost as much as it hurts me to remember. I don't think that they could stand the pain; they didn't know what they were doing. At least I did… or maybe that makes it more painful for me.  
  
/(|)/ Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night \ There's no need to worry, I'm really all right \ I've never looked back - as a matter of fact /(|)/  
  
I know I promised you I wouldn't cry. I remember you asking me that, right before you left to Earth. You knew, gods forgive you, somehow you knew this would be the last chance to say the things that needed to be said… but I didn't say it. I refused to say I loved you and give you that weakness. I think as I watched you go, I also knew, in some inexplicable way, that I would never see you again, never have the chance to tell you how I felt. I didn't though, I held my tongue and, later, Rei-chan held me as I cried myself to sleep. A piece of me died that day, a piece I will never be able to get back. I don't ever allow myself to cry for you except… except on that day once a year.  
  
/(|)/ And it only hurts when I'm breathing \ My heart only breaks when it's beating \ My dreams only die when I'm dreaming \ So, I hold my breath - to forget /(|)/  
  
I think, sometimes, that Rei-chan remembers, because she says the strangest things. Just yesterday she suddenly hugged me and said, "I love you, don't ever forget that. You have so many people who love you. Memories are in the past, they are wonderful, horrible things, but they are the past." Then she let go and walked away without another word. You always liked Rei-chan and, though you didn't know I knew, I heard you tell her to take care of me when you were going. She has been; you'd be so proud of her. She's so much happier now then she was back then. She doesn't have as many burdens… or as many memories. Can you hear me? I love you so much that it hurts to just breath. Make this pain go away, someone, anyone…  
  
/(|)/ It only hurts when I breath \ Mmm, no, I've never looked back - as a matter of fact \ And it only hurts when I'm breathing \ My heart only breaks when it's beating \ My dreams only die when I'm dreaming \ So, I hold my breath - to forget /(|)/  
  
Since this was where I first met you in this life, I like to come to here on the day of your death. For some reason, no matter how many times I go, on that day there is never anyone there and I have the place to myself. So I close my eyes and hold my breath, letting the memories assualt me… and I cry. I cry for hours. I always bring a yellow rose and a silver rose held together by a red rose with me. For us. Do you see me? The wind always blows stronger at the top of Tokyo Tower and, on that day, every year, it seems to blow even stronger. My hair whips around my face, sticking to my cheeks which are wet with tears. I always wear a yellow dress, you never did like orange because it was the color of my Senshi uniform. You never did like the fact that I had to fight…  
  
/(|)/ Hurts when I'm breathing \ Breaks when it's beating \ Die when I'm dreaming /(|)/  
  
They're going to remember someday. I don't want them to, I don't want to see their pain. Maybe… maybe they won't ever remember. No, I'm just being selfish, I just don't want to talk about something that hurts so much. The idea of them not remembering, that's just as sad because I know that, no matter how much it hurts, I would never redo or forget a single thing. Each memory is so precious that I'd rather suffer a thousand years of pain then give up one moment of that happiness. So, love, goodbye again until next year and, don't worry, I'll never forget you. I love you and I miss you. These flowers are for us, see as I drop them. Watch as they fly away on the winds of love and hope, maybe, someday, we'll fly on them again, too.   
  
/(|)/ It only hurts when I breath /(|)/  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Petra: I really do believe that the Senshi and Endymion-kun's protectors were lovers or, at least, in love. It's all in the manga. There's proof, you just have to look closely.  
Kati: 1-Don't you think Mina-chan was just a *little* too hasty in destroying Kunzite-kun? In the picture, she looks like she's freaking out.   
Petra: 2-THE picture. Those of you know what picture I'm talking about need to find a site and look it up! The picture as all of the generals holding each of the Senshi.   
Kati: 3-Something no one else seems to notice is that, in Manga 11 on page 173 in 'Casablanca Memory' the disguised Zoisite-kun asks, "You can't forget your past either, can you?!" to Mars-chan. Then you see flash of little Rei-chan being held by Kaido (her secret crush), a picture of her deceased mother, and A FLASH OF JAEDITE-KUN SHADOWING KAIDO! -- see, see.   
Petra: 4-Also, if you can find a translated version (I read Alex Grovers) at the end of Sailor V, Mina-chan and Adonis (sorta like the Tuxedo Kamen to Mina-chan's Sailor V) are talking and he says something to the affect that she should have loved him but she never paid attention. THEN THERE IS A PICTURE OF MINA-CHAN LOOKING AT KUNZITE-KUN! Find a translation, you'll see that I'm right! Anyways, loves and kisses!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


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